Provo and the Blue House

Blue House

As you may or may not know the Nitsy crew is seriously contemplating a move to Provo once Nick graduates this spring. The reasons for the move are many, but I would say the main four are

1. Money - The cost of living is MUCH LOWER in Utah than here in California. I will be able to keep my current job (and current salary) making a home purchase possible (see my current pick above). If we continued on in California (with or without a move to LA) we would not be able to buy for a few more years at least. Our total house payment will be lower than our current rent by a few hundred dollars at least. We'll actually be saving money.
2. Family - In Provo we would be close to Karl and Allie and their Caucasian female baby. Allie has offered to help us with wonder-twin care (an offer that I'm sure she'll withdraw soon after the first time she tends them - especially when she'll have her own newborn...). Regardless, I want Judah and Asher to grow up with their cousins. Boopie and the Professor live a short drive up the freeway in SLC. We'll be within a reasonable distance of Zach, Danielle and Ethan too (in Rexburg). Plus we're halving the distance to Malia and Caitlin. Not bad. I'm sure we'll miss Gma and Gpa Hite and Gma Neal, but they will visit. Plus, we'll hopefully have a guest room for the many many visitors we'll host.
3. Lifestyle - We want to have a healthy and happy life. Where we're at now it's hard to do that. Going up and down the stairs keeps me from taking the kids outside much. We don't have a yard for the to play in, or a park nearby. We don't have a lot of friends, so we don't do a lot of funtivities. Nick doesn't like to "do stuff" as much as I do, so it will be fun to tag along with other friends on fun outings while Nick sits in a corner by himself (his version of a good time). Plus Allie has agreed to help me with my diet and exercise goals.
4. Opportunity - There is plenty of opportunity for Nick up in Utah. Maybe he'll land a job with the Church's film studio, or a teaching gig at BYU or UVU, or maybe something up at Sundance. There's also a pretty active indie film scene up in Utah. Plus there is always contract work for productions that shoot up there, both made for TV stuff like High School Musical, and feature films like 127 Hours.

Mother Judger?

I was reading an essay on motherhood by a cute-as-can-be 22 year old mother of twin boys that are close in age to my little guys. The essay is about the love a mother feels for her children, and also about judging other mothers. Perhaps I have been exceptionally blessed, or at the very least exceptionally naive and/or blind to the thoughts and/or words and/or actions of others, but I have yet to feel judged for my choices as a mother.

Here are some facts that might garner some negative feedback:

• Fact: I waited until age 30 to have kids
• Fact: I gave birth via c-section without even TRYING for a vaginal delivery
• Fact: I only breastfed my kids for 6 weeks
• Fact: I work full time to support my family
• Fact: I only took 6 weeks of maternity leave (when I could have taken 14 weeks)
• Fact: I don't always lock my door
• Fact: I let my kids lick rocks
• Fact: I pay someone to clean my house rather than do it myself
• Fact: Baby bedtime is often my favorite time of the day
• Fact: My kids are probably cuter than your kids
• Fact: Even though I can't love my kids with all of my time, I still manage to love them with all of my heart.

I worry that I haven't faced the working mom prejudice here in California that I might face in Utah. The author of the essay I mentioned above lives in Provo, the city that we hope to inhabit in just a few short months. But here's the thing; I don't want to live in a city of judgy mcjudgersons. Is everyone really all up in each other's grills about various life choices? Or is that young mom just making judgements based on a shorter journey in this big crazy world? I think I might have made similar judgements with a decade less experience.

So tell me, is Provo Judgement City, USA? Or can this remarried old working mom of twins catch a judgement-free break?

Swinging together at the beach

This is one of my top things about having twins.

Confession

I like to take the boys to Costco just so they can both sit in the cart side by side and everyone will stop me to tell me how cute my kids are. I can't disagree.

Judah (8 months)

Asher (8 months)

Busy busy busy

A few things going on

• I have just 2.5 months to finish the class I've been working on for the last year for BYU's BGS program. It is Psychology of Gender, and very interesting, but difficult to find time to work on.
• I've been reading the same book (for pleasure) for the last 6 or 7 months. I finally finished it last night. The last 2 pages blew my mind. In a good way.
  
• I got called to serve in the Primary as a the chorister. It is way fun to be with the kids again, but a crazy time with the twins in tow. Everyone helps me out though, so it's all good. Plus I'm sharing the calling with another woman, so it's not every week, which is a good fit.
• Work is good and busy. Busy busy busy.
• Judah and Asher are busy busy busy little guys, which keeps me and Nick busy busy busy.
  

Alone with my thoughts

Kids are asleep. Nick is at school. Work is done for the day. I am enjoying a few blissful moments of silence, which are few and far between these days. I can actually hear myself think.

Asher is pulling himself up on any and all things 24" or less in height. But his balance is still not that stellar so he's been falling over a lot too. He goes into the "ugly cry" at least 2 times daily. But he gets over it quickly, and goes about exploring the floor (and cords and shoes and bits of paper) with his mouth. I think he might be part puppy. He has started sticking out his tongue again a lot, which I am a big fan of.

Judah is not very motivated when it comes to mobility. He's saving all his energy to grow teeth and flirt with women. He has 2 bottom teeth, and a top tooth is about to pop out any day now. He is a social little guy and loves to be around people, loves attention, and does this thing where he lowers his head but keeps his eyes trained on his object of affection - which is pretty much any woman. I sometimes worry about what this means for his future - especially the teenage years, but mostly I'm just jealous that I'm not the only one he flirts with.

Nick started his last year of grad school today. There was much rejoicing. He will be shooting his thesis film this Fall. It will not be shot in my house. When I learned this fact there was much rejoicing. You should check out his fundraising site and kick a few bucks our way: http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/nickreddoch/space-garden-graduate-film-thesis

I love being a work-at-home mom. Even though I'm still working with Nick to establish what I believe to be a fair distribution of labor on the home-front, I think I've struck a pretty sweet balance between work life and home life. I enjoy my job tremendously, and I think I'm pretty good at it. I am challenged by new things thrown in my path, and I am able to handle them well. I really like and respect my coworkers and managers. Every time I think about my company I feel a swell of pride and it's pretty much a constant love-fest whenever I get to talk about my telecommuting arrangement or almost anything at all to do with where I work and with whom I work, not to mention our products. I hope I get to work there forevers.

Lately I've been noticing that my babies aren't little babies anymore. They're turning into little boys slowly but surely. I'm torn between wanting them to stay little forever and wanting to speed up time to skip to the next thing and the next. Sometimes I think about having another baby (or babies) and it scares me because my kids are in reality still infants. I have two stinking babies at the same time. And they are still babies. Even though they aren't the little peanuts I brought home from the NICU lo those many months ago. Mostly I just don't want to wait too long to have additional kid or kids. Nick and I are no spring chickens over here. I would love to be done having babies by age 35. That kind of limits my window. Also I don't want to have too much of a gap between kids because if my next kid is a singleton then they might be spoiled or have last child syndrome (you'll have to ask Nick about that one). And if it's twins again, might as well be full crazy for a few years instead of spacing out the madness. Then again, maybe I won't be able to have more kids. If I learned one thing from my pregnancy it is this: I am not the one in charge. I did not get to control the timing of that pregnancy (not to mention the fetal count), so I expect I won't be able to control the timing of any additional pregnancies - if I am lucky enough to have any more.

For the record, twins are the best. I love having twins and I feel so blessed to be entrusted with two beautiful and perfect little boys. Sometimes I try to imagine what it would be like to have just one baby. Then I do the mental equivalent of biting my tongue because I don't want to know what it would be like to have just one baby. I am in love with having two babies. Sometimes I feel like everything in my life up until this point has prepared me for having these kids. They are my blessing, my retribution, my make-up-for-lost-time, my everything. And I'm pretty sure Nick agrees.

Anyway, it's getting late. And I have to fold the clean laundry that is on my bed so I can get into it. Ah, bed, I love you.

9 on, 9 off

I don't remember where I heard the expression, but I quickly embraced the idea of "9 on, 9 off" in reference to pregnancy weight. I had my beautiful twin boys almost 7 months ago, so if I am true to my word, I have just 2 months to go until I should be back at a comfortable pre-pregnancy weight - and more importantly, pre-pregnancy size.

I gained a total of 37 pounds during my twin pregnancy, which was not that much all things considered. I delivered almost 11 lbs of baby back in January, and lost ALL of the 37 pounds plus some within 1 week. At my 6 week check-up I was actually about 10 pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight. Then I stopped pumping breastmilk. And my appetite which had been pretty low during pregnancy made a grand/unwelcome reappearance. Now I'm back at my pre-pregnancy weight. But don't get me wrong, I am not at my pre-pregnancy size. I have a lot of extra belly, and appear to be about 5 months pregnant, which I can assure you, I am not. I want to see if I can dip below the 200 lb mark by the time my little boys are 9 months old, which is extremely doable.

Since I had twice the amount of kids do I get twice the amount of time to work off the baby body? I think yes. If I work hard and continue to TRY I can make huge strides by the time my kids are 18 months old. For the record I am about 75 lbs above my goal weight, however that might not be realistic for me post-baby and post-20's. My goal for now is to shed 50+ lbs in 11 months. Then I'll reevaluate a realistic and healthy final goal weight/size. Here we go!