Garden

Dudes, I just harvested 8 cucumbers and 1 zucchini out of my garden. My tomato plants have had a recent population boom and I hope to harvest some delicious vine-ripe fruits within a few weeks. One of these days I'll get a photo of my cute garden and my awesome home-grown organic harvest, but today just use your imagination.

Remembering Scottie

Betsy and Scott  at BUHS graduation 1997

April 2008

Hi Scott,


I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately, and I have one question for you; what is the statute of limitations on apologies? Because I owe you one that is seriously overdue - by about 6 years.


This incident may have gone down in worst-date-ever history. It is so bad that I believe it may have achieved legendary status by now, and is being retold as a truly scary story by scouts at camp-outs across the US. So remember when we went to see that Star Wars movie on your birthday in 2002? And remember when I ran out of the theater to take a call leaving you solo for half an hour? And remember how I insensitively told you about the guy I wanted to date on the ride home? Yeah - um, so sorry about that. I am retroactively embarrassed 6 years later. Yes, I am the worst date ever. 


My marriage may not have been the best, but good did come out of it - for example, I have learned a lot of humility, a sense of propriety and tact...[edit] that were sorely lacking on the night in question, and humility to be able to admit my failing (even if it is 6 years too late) and beg your forgiveness. I really am embarrassed of the way I acted.


[edit] yadda yadda yadda ... divorce, work, church, school...


Anyway, I'm babbling. I just really felt like I owed you an apology and wanted to say hi. I know you're in a war right now, which blows my mind and makes me want to sob uncontrollably if I think about it too much. Just know that I am one of many that is so proud of you, and feels overwhelmed and blessed that there are people like you that are willing to put your life on the line so I can live the life I choose. Thanks for that. You're in my prayers.


 Betsy

Betsy,

I had not heard of your divorce and I am sorry that your relationship did not work out the way you wanted.

Otherwise sounds like you are doing well. I'm glad to hear you enjoy being a primary chorister. I have always found that being a primary teacher is the best form of birth control. However, they did provide me with many stories.

Anyways, I lead a pretty simple life right now. The part of Iraq I'm in doesn't look too diferent from home, except it did snow here this winter.

I hope everything works out for you,

Scottie

[Editor's note: Scott clearly had no interest in dating me at that time, and possibly ever.]

July 2008

Something made me think of you the other day, and I realized that I had never replied to your email. Better late than never, right? Anyway, I hope things are well with you. Err... as well as they can be, as you're in a war situation (still mind-boggling, btw). I'm pretty amazing, typical Betsy. Work is work. School is school. Church is church. I'm back with the Young Women in my new ward, so that has been fun. My "dating life" pretty much resembles an episode of Melrose Place, so the drama has kept my life interesting. I never thought I would be in this position again, but since I am, I am enjoying myself, and having a laugh at the expense of the "interesting" guys that have managed to remain unattached into their upper 20's/lower 30's. Absolutely hilarious, and very diverting.


Anyway, just wanted to send a quick note to say hi.

Best,
Betsy

Betsy,

Glad to hear that you are doing well. I was always trying to find the Melrose Place's. The closest I came was Atlanta, but I was lucky to make it up there once a month. I do love that city.

Have fun with the young women, they should keep you busy. And enjoy the Melrose Place atmoshpere, it's always fun to be there.

Scottie

The above emails were the last contact I had with Capt. Scott Pace. He was killed in action in Afghanistan while serving in the US Army on June 6, 2012. It's difficult to find the words to honor his life and his service. We spent our youth together in high school and at BYU. We participated in lots of activities together, exchanged a lot of emails over the years, and even went on a few dates. Many many embarrassing journal entries from high school through college and even into my second single-hood attest to the fact that I was at times about 95% sure that we would eventually marry (even though we never even so much as held hands). He was a great friend that will be missed by all who had the honor of knowing him.

The words of a hymn "Each Life That Touches Ours for Good" best express my feelings about Scott's passing. He really was a Christlike friend that strengthened my faith and enriched my days. I know that we will embrace as friends in the Eternities.

Each life that touches ours for good
Reflects thine own great mercy, Lord;
Thou sendest blessings from above
Thru words and deeds of those who love.


What greater gift dost thou bestow,
What greater goodness can we know
Than Christlike friends, whose gentle ways
Strengthen our faith, enrich our days.


When such a friend from us departs,
We hold forever in our hearts
A sweet and hallowed memory,
Bringing us nearer, Lord, to thee.

For worthy friends whose lives proclaim
Devotion to the Savior’s name,
Who bless our days with peace and love,
We praise thy goodness, Lord, above.


Text: Karen Lynn Davidson, b. 1943. © 1985 IRI
Music: A. Laurence Lyon, b. 1934. © 1985 IRI

For MOMs by MOMs: Baby Gear

Time for another MOMs linkup! This time the topic is baby gear. I've recently had a refresher course in baby gear as my beautiful niece was born less than a week ago! I don't have a ton of photos to share, so I'll just give my top picks for gear in bullets with links.

• Zippered sleepers - trust me, you don't want to deal with all those snaps.
• Boppy pillows - it's nice to have a place to set down a kid. We even used ours for daytime naps while they were swaddled (not officially recommended - could be a smothering risk)
• Swaddle blankets - A nice tight swaddle kept our kids sleeping for hours at a time. Most of the best ones we used were sewn by my mom.
• Infant carrier carseats - I was skeptical at first, but infant carrier carseats are boss for twins. You can just pick up and go from car to house and back again. Very handy. Ours are Graco something or other. Almost any kind is great.
• Baby Trend Double Snap N Go stroller - light weight and great for use with the infant carriers. My awesome friend Kirsten passed hers down to me. Worked like a charm for the first 6 months.
• Jeep double umbrella stroller - my mom picked this up used for us, and it is so boss. We still use it today. It folds up small, so it's great for a small car like our Prius, and also great for air travel.
• Graco Pack 'N Play playard with twin bassinet - This worked AWESOME for the first few months. The boys got to sleep close together but without the chance of smothering each other. Bonus is that this Pack N Play is HUGE - much larger than a standard sized one, so you can use it for travel well into the second year.
• KidCo Peapod - We got this as a gift and it is so cool for travel. It's a splurge, so I wouldn't probably pick it up for myself, but it is really neat for a family on the go.
• "Stealing" from the hospital - there is a lot of baby gear given to you at the hospital - especially if your twins have any length of NICU stay. We got the typical nose bulb syringe (see more below), diapers, wipes, ointment, hair scrubbers, shirts, pacifiers, milk storage bottles, nipples, blankets, hats, formula, and probably more. TAKE IT ALL HOME. Technically you're probably not supposed to take their blankets and shirts, but our nurses let us have them. No harm asking. Another top tip - they will give you the pump parts for Medela breast pumps. If you're going to pump at home and buy a pump used, just wait until you're home from the hospital to buy/open new pump parts because chances are you'll get some for FREE at the hospital.
• Little Noses Nasal Aspirator - The only kind that works AT ALL besides the one you get at the hospital. DO NOT waste your money on any bulb kind of aspirator besides this one. I hear Nose Frida is also good, but I haven't personally tried it.
• Aquafor - Best stuff on earth for diaper rash, cradle cap, scrapes, baby acne. LOVE IT.
• Writing to diaper and formula companies - write a short letter to the diaper and formula companies that you want to use and tell them you had twins. Include copies of their birth certificates if possible. They will send you coupons for FREE STUFF as well as high value coupons. I think you can even do this with singletons.
• Baby Jail - Okay, that's just our affectionate nickname for the Dream On Me Babytown Playard. This gated playard will become a sanity saver once you have two on the move. We used it as advertized for a few months, then broke it open and used it as the longest baby gate ever. We still use it today to fence off Nick's desk area. It's a lot easier than baby proofing with all those cords.

I hope this helps any expectant moms or MOMs out there. Did I miss anything that was a must have for you? Leave it in the comments!

For MOMs by MOMs: Pregnancy

Another instalment of the MOMs linkup. Enjoy!

20.5 weeks pregnant with twins

My pregnancy showed me that Heavenly Father not only has perfect timing and a perfect knowledge of our circumstances, but also a pretty boss sense of humor which he uses to reveal himself in our lives. Prior to being pregnant with my twins I had wanted to be a mom for a long time. I had openly and often wished for triplets in my 20s. Everyone told me I was completely insane, and while I understood their concern I quietly wished for the opportunity to eat my words. As my first marriage fell apart towards the end of my 20s I lamented that I might never have kids. Going through the absolute dump truck of a situation of my divorce humbled me and brought my desires for my future into clear focus. When I met and married Nick we wasted no time in trying to start a family.

We tried to get pregnant for 9 months before it happened. There were a few months of the normal stuff, followed by a few months of the taking-my-temperature, ovulation-kit, etc etc etc trying. When I was able to conceive on my own I was thrilled. At my first pregnancy appointment my doctor did an ultrasound to date the pregnancy. Immediately she said "I have to tell you something and I need you to brace yourself." I was terrified that I had lost the pregnancy. She proceeded to tell me that I was expecting twins and that the babies were in their own sacs with great heartbeats. My shock coupled with relief that I hadn't lost the pregnancy produced buckets of tears for the next 5 minutes. I pulled myself together to call Nick and share the shocking news. I had joked earlier in the week that it would be "hilarious" if we were expecting twins. Nick said "It's a good thing we're not, because I can't handle that." See? Sense of humor.

I really enjoyed being pregnant and I had almost no complaints until near the end. No morning sickness, just a touch of heartburn. I felt the babies move for the first time around 17 weeks. I received tons of ultrasounds to monitor my cervix and then check the twins for growth every 2-4 weeks. It was awesome. I developed gestational diabetes, but it was not severe and was easily managed through diet. At 31 weeks 4 days (I think) I started showing signs of preeclampsia and preterm labor. My doctor put me on bed rest. I lasted 3 more weeks, which was pretty much just the break that I required prior to my kids showing up. At the very end I started to get uncomfortable and I delivered via c-section at 34 weeks 6 days due to preeclampsia. You can get the full scoop on my birth story at pregtastic.com. The boys stayed in the NICU for 13 (Asher) and 15 (Judah) days.

Those tears that turned on like a faucet when I learned that I was expecting twins haven't stopped. I love love love my kids and being a mom. I am reduced to tears of joy almost daily when I look at their sweet faces, which makes complete sense when I consider the following:

The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.   Joseph B. Wirthlin

I consider my kids to be a blessing from an understanding and loving God through the Principle of Compensation. Going through a divorce sucked out loud and I hated every minute of it. Now, only a few years later I feel like I'm living a charmed life.

For MOMs by MOMs: Introduction

I thought I would come out of my relative state of hiding to participate in a MOMs (Mom of Multiples) linkup.

I'm Betsy. 32 year old working mom of awesome 16 month old fraternal twin boys Judah and Asher. The boys are spontaneous twins (aka a BIG SURPRISE!) They are awesome and so totally cute. I telecommute as a sales analyst for a consumer electronics company, and I love my job almost as much as I love my family. My husband Nick is a filmmaker and sleepwalker. It keeps us on our toes. We just bought our first house in Provo, UT and will be moving there (from Oceanside, CA) at the end of this month. We can't wait to have a back yard for the boys to play in. I can't wait to be within walking distance of my favorite bakery.

So... I don't know if you know this, but toddlers. are. hard. The first year was like a cake walk compared to the last few months. The boys are into everything, making messes, throwing fits, pulling hair, biting each other/walls/anything. They drive me bonkers regularly. Nevertheless, I love being a mom and I adore being a MOM. One of the best parts for me is seeing their relationship blossom as they grow and develop. Watching them learn brings me total joy.

Homeowners!

After some random inspection drama and an interesting mortgage procurement process (being in a different state) we bought the Blue House! And are moving into it at the end of May! Full disclosure: I originally typed that first sentence without any exclamation points. I've been really reserved about the whole process knowing that it could all go to hmmhmm at a moments notice. My life is basically a soap opera so when meth was detected in the house during the home inspection it kind of made perfect sense. Luckily it was remediated and we were able to move forward on the deal. But it was stuff like that which made me keep my emotional distance during the whole roller coaster process. But we've now closed and received the keys so I can use exclamation points! Without! Reserve! EXCLAMATION! POINTS!!!!

 Karl and Allie will stop by for random quality control checks over the next few weeks to make sure that the local youths are behaving and that hobos and/or a family of raccoons has not taken up residence.

Now the reality of home ownership is starting to settle in with its various required responsibilities. Get HVAC bids, schedule yard maintenance, set up utilities, buy a hose and/or sprinkler, change the locks, get the carpet cleaned, change address on everything, schedule moving truck, pack the whole universe, throw away 50% of our belongings, do a sometimes-metaphorical-sometimes-literal tap dance to entertain twins whilst simultaneously working a demanding job without missing a beat. You know, the usual stuff.

Can't wait until moving day!

Provo and the Blue House

Blue House

As you may or may not know the Nitsy crew is seriously contemplating a move to Provo once Nick graduates this spring. The reasons for the move are many, but I would say the main four are

1. Money - The cost of living is MUCH LOWER in Utah than here in California. I will be able to keep my current job (and current salary) making a home purchase possible (see my current pick above). If we continued on in California (with or without a move to LA) we would not be able to buy for a few more years at least. Our total house payment will be lower than our current rent by a few hundred dollars at least. We'll actually be saving money.
2. Family - In Provo we would be close to Karl and Allie and their Caucasian female baby. Allie has offered to help us with wonder-twin care (an offer that I'm sure she'll withdraw soon after the first time she tends them - especially when she'll have her own newborn...). Regardless, I want Judah and Asher to grow up with their cousins. Boopie and the Professor live a short drive up the freeway in SLC. We'll be within a reasonable distance of Zach, Danielle and Ethan too (in Rexburg). Plus we're halving the distance to Malia and Caitlin. Not bad. I'm sure we'll miss Gma and Gpa Hite and Gma Neal, but they will visit. Plus, we'll hopefully have a guest room for the many many visitors we'll host.
3. Lifestyle - We want to have a healthy and happy life. Where we're at now it's hard to do that. Going up and down the stairs keeps me from taking the kids outside much. We don't have a yard for the to play in, or a park nearby. We don't have a lot of friends, so we don't do a lot of funtivities. Nick doesn't like to "do stuff" as much as I do, so it will be fun to tag along with other friends on fun outings while Nick sits in a corner by himself (his version of a good time). Plus Allie has agreed to help me with my diet and exercise goals.
4. Opportunity - There is plenty of opportunity for Nick up in Utah. Maybe he'll land a job with the Church's film studio, or a teaching gig at BYU or UVU, or maybe something up at Sundance. There's also a pretty active indie film scene up in Utah. Plus there is always contract work for productions that shoot up there, both made for TV stuff like High School Musical, and feature films like 127 Hours.

Mother Judger?

I was reading an essay on motherhood by a cute-as-can-be 22 year old mother of twin boys that are close in age to my little guys. The essay is about the love a mother feels for her children, and also about judging other mothers. Perhaps I have been exceptionally blessed, or at the very least exceptionally naive and/or blind to the thoughts and/or words and/or actions of others, but I have yet to feel judged for my choices as a mother.

Here are some facts that might garner some negative feedback:

• Fact: I waited until age 30 to have kids
• Fact: I gave birth via c-section without even TRYING for a vaginal delivery
• Fact: I only breastfed my kids for 6 weeks
• Fact: I work full time to support my family
• Fact: I only took 6 weeks of maternity leave (when I could have taken 14 weeks)
• Fact: I don't always lock my door
• Fact: I let my kids lick rocks
• Fact: I pay someone to clean my house rather than do it myself
• Fact: Baby bedtime is often my favorite time of the day
• Fact: My kids are probably cuter than your kids
• Fact: Even though I can't love my kids with all of my time, I still manage to love them with all of my heart.

I worry that I haven't faced the working mom prejudice here in California that I might face in Utah. The author of the essay I mentioned above lives in Provo, the city that we hope to inhabit in just a few short months. But here's the thing; I don't want to live in a city of judgy mcjudgersons. Is everyone really all up in each other's grills about various life choices? Or is that young mom just making judgements based on a shorter journey in this big crazy world? I think I might have made similar judgements with a decade less experience.

So tell me, is Provo Judgement City, USA? Or can this remarried old working mom of twins catch a judgement-free break?